No Turning Back - My Journey to Christ

I made up my mind to get to know Christ my sophomore year of College. Why? Well, I was at a point where I just didn't have anything meaningful to hang on to in this world. I remember thinking; "the only way for my life to have meaning, is for me to find something to define it. I might as well let it be God, at least then I won't have to rely on myself".

At the time I really hated and didn't trust myself, so finding meaning through myself just seemed like an endless cycle of unknowns. I was already confused enough and tired of trying one thing just for it fail. Defining my purpose just to not be motivated enough to pursue it got really tedious, especially since it all seemed meaningless anyway. I didn't want anything that life had to offer, I just wanted death; which I had just failed at acquiring two years prior and wasn't about to try and fail again. I was fed up with failing, especially since I wasn't working towards something that meant anything to me.

Then, one day after relapsing, I sat there arm bleeding and made up my mind that once back on campus, I would look for a church. It wasn't super easy to do, but I also was tired of feeling helpless, useless and empty. In addition to finding a church, I made it my goal to read the Bible through from Genesis to Revelations. The verses I hung on to when I first started reading, where the ones that validated my feelings, my favorite one at the time being Ecclesiastes 4:2-3 So I concluded that the dead are better off than the living. But most fortunate of all are those who are not yet born. For they have not seen all the evil that is done under the sun. (NLT) . There were also other verses that helped me feel a little less empty, like Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. . To this day, I would say Matthew 6:25-34 is still one of my favorite passages.

One thing also that I'm really grateful for was that I was able to make new friends who showed me that living a Christ filled life is not all about religious regulations. I can totally be myself, because that's who God made me to be. The challenge being that I had to redefine myself since I had let go of so much of myself. Building my life back hasn't been a piece of cake, but as time has passed, it's gone from bad to better to pretty great.

While I don't get depressed anymore like I used to, I am definitely ready for Christ's return so I can leave this earth. I've been a bit better at managing my emotions, but sometimes they get the better of me, whether I'm feeling too much or not enough. Allowing myself to feel is probably one of the tougher challenges.

I definitely can't go back, but I am also working on not being carnally minded after every thing Christ has done for me. If he died for me, then I can live for him.

I still have a long ways to go, but He's definitely walking me through every step of the way. He's not finished with me yet!

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.”

Luke 7:47 NLT

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author - Cyntia Seumo

Cyntia Seumo

Hey there, I am Cyntia, the face behind the blog. My journey with Christ is an ongoing process, and I still have so much to learn and share. I created this blog in hopes that others can know they are not alone in their struggles. I want everyone to know that Christ has made us overcomers in this world. We are not victims of our circumstances but victorious in our situations. Do not hesitate to drop me a line, either via the comments, the contact page, Facebook , or Instagram!

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