While going through my old Gmail, I found this entry I wrote on September 12, 2013. This was 8 years ago, and right at the beginning of my decision to put my trust in God. I am always amazed and encouraged by my own journey. I truly am my biggest testimony. I hope you are blessed by the article as I was when I re-read it.
Falling is always easier than getting back up. What with the constant downward push of gravity. But as Newton’s Law of Enteria states: a body at rest stays at rest and a body in motion stays in motion UNLESS acted upon by an outside force.
Once you’ve hit rock bottom you’re likely to just stop falling and lay there. And That’s what I’ve been doing for the longest time: laying there at rock bottom. Not knowing where to go, who to turn to, what to do.. and frankly I still pretty much kind of don’t. People aren’t exactly the most dependable when you need them the most. So who can you put your trust into? Who can you go to so you can get that outside force that will push you in the right direction?
The answers to these questions are different for everyone, but for me, I’ve decided to put my trust in God. Because the way I see it, he’s a lot more dependable than any human will probably ever be. You can talk to him whenever you want (even if you’re not certain he’s listening), and as you begin to just have that trust, and have that “someone” to talk to, you find HOPE.
Now hope can be very dangerous if not used correctly. Hope is the difference between how you will continue to live your life. Once you lose hope, you’ve lost pretty much everything. And let me tell you, I had lost all sorts of hope. I had no faith because it felt like my hopes were just always being crushed. But then I figured out that maybe, just maybe I was placing my hope in the wrong things. Maybe, if I pushed hard enough or long enough I could find the right place to put my hope in. Thanks to my Family and Friends, I found Hope in God.
I’ve decided to put my hope in God, to try and find my reason through him, to let him guide me so that I can stop being lost. I still have my doubts for now, but that’s only natural because recovery isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon.
Recovery is a journey into another world, a world you don’t know if you can make it to. But if you push, and you try hard enough, you might just make it through (even with a couple of pit stops). It’s easy to get discouraged at first; especially when you don’t know what the future holds. Especially when your biggest fear is the future. But I know that if I keep trying, I will get somewhere worth being.
I don’t quite see the light just yet, but I know I’m getting closer and closer to it. I can almost feel its warmth starting to radiate around me. I can feel the love of God just a little bit more because I can find hope sometimes even when things get rough. Plus I know things will get rough. Life only gets harder from here, so I need His Unending Love So that I may make it through this Journey.
I’ve still got a lot to work on. My eyes are always being opened, the light is steadily getting closer. But These things remain certain:
1.) The future is always uncertain
2.) God’s love is everlasting, and his light shines when all else fails.
And like Tenth Avenue North sings in their song Worn: I really want to see Redemption Win, cause I want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life.
Can you remember where you were 8 years ago? How far has the Lord taken you? Share in the comments.